Category Archives: Show Talk

FEAST OF FUN!!

Hello and thanks for visiting my semi retired blog. Since April I have been blogging and podcasting on my SNAZZY NEW WEBSITE. Granted I do need to increase my output over there but I just hooked up my wii to my Netflix and have been watching old Superman cartoons and Arrested Development since uh… what month is it??

I’m still famous though and want you to check out today’s BRAND NEW interview on the world famous LGBT comedy show Feast of Fun. I talk about Queen Latifah, Bondage and Country Western bars and lots of personal stuff. Click HERE TO LISTEN
It’s about an hour of me lezzy trash talking with the affable hosts Fausto and Marc. Sharing the link with your friends and socialite network helps support Feast of Fun, Michfest, me and maybe in some way your inner child.

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Gay Pets and Big Discount

"Venus" Marga's High School Sweetheart

Hello Readers,
I have missed you so much. I’ve been spending time on my new website I started a blog there but I have a dilemma since that is my professional website and I’m not sure how
outspoken I ought to be. In this entry you get a deal for my new show and some bitching about celebrities.
MARGA’S DEEP DISCOUNT FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY
“Marga Gomez is Proud & Bothered” my GLAAD award winning smash hit comedy moves to the fab New Conservatory Theater Center in San Francisco May 13th through June 26th
ACT NOW to get $15 tickets. Offer ends Wednesday May 12th. This offer is available for the following performances only: May 13-30, 2010.
Discount tickets are available by calling Box Office at (415) 861-8972 Tuesday from noon through 3pm and Wed from 1:30 till 7:00pm.
A limited number of seats per show performance are available at this VERY LOW price. I want my friends and their friends to get first crack . Spread the word!

“Marga Gomez is Proud & Bothered” is a tightly written comedy, an adults only send-up of New Jersey Pride and bored housewives. It received a GLAAD award in 2004 and was named by New York Magazine as one of the shows in the “Top 5 Gay Theater”

I’m pissed off about gay people becoming pets of straight celebrities. On Celebrity Apprentice the “celebrities” were playing for their charity, like autism, colon cancer. Cyndi Lauper’s charity was gay people AKA “True Colors Foundation”- a good cause if the overhead of putting on celebrity concerts isn’t excessive and most of the money gets to the gay kids- TBD. Anyway she was voted off last night – when it should have been Holly Whatshername. But Cyndi was a pain in the ass in many episodes and nobody could deal with her temperment. Then Cyndi started fuming about how “nobody cares about the gays.” Actually gay people care about gays. Straight allies are awesome but it gets a little patronizing when Kathy Griffin for example asks “where are my gays.” Sounds like Kathy wants to walk us on a leash.
I’m still your fan Cyndi. Thanks for raising money that will eventuallty help gay homeless kids. That’s awesome. But being voted off Celebrity Apprentice was not a hate crime. It was just a tv game show and you lost .Take it like a straight woman. ‘The gays”should not be used as a human shield. And to the rest of you celebrities looking for the gay following- you can work alongside me but you can’t get on top.

Visit my new website

Party of One

Marga and O'DJ party promoting in 2006

It’s 10 days till “Marga’s Laugh Party” I’ma blogging every day till Wed. Feb 10th as a way of sharing my panic with you.  I’m getting nervous and trying to pretend that somebody else is in charge. I’ve booked this party at a small but important club in San Francisco and if it’s not a success I will be set out on a barge and drift away in disgrace. I’ve got lots of talented people to present in one night, but there’s got to be time for DJ Chelsea Starr to do her thing and I have to appear laid back and mingle. It’s a party.

I have thrown one professional party before with my friend DJ O’DJ in 2006 on Valentine’s day. It was a success, but not financially we split $37 after our expenses. We were dumb and charged almost nothing to get in. It was a mixer for single gay guys and lesbians.We called it Marga’s Mixer. It was really cute. DJ O’DJ set up email boxes for all our guests so they could contact each other after that night and we gave our guests fancy name tags with handles like Shorty, Brooklyn, Lady Luck. We filled the club, the lighting was sexy, the music was just right and it was an even mix of men and women. But the lesbians didn’t mingle as easily with each other and a few of them kept tagging along behind me I remember one of them whining “How am I supposed to meet somebody” And then there where the lesbians who arrived 30 minutes before the doors opened and demanded to be let in because they were tired.  I realized then that I don’t have the personality to help lesbians mate. Guys are easier. They  go for it. No questions and fashionably late. But many people of both sexes made dates that night and two couples that I know of fell in love.  I was in one of the couples. I had sworn off ladies in 2006 for almost 2 months. But that night I got into some free whisky in the dressing room and  forgot my vows of celibacy. I hooked up with a lovely person that I am completely in love with four years later and luckily she loves me back.That’s all for now. Sorry to end on love, wish I could go darker and edgier but it’s bed time. This morning at 8 am some fucker was jackhammering out my window busting up a 3 foot square of the street that is now paved over. And he’ll probably be back at it tomorrow. If I had a gun I might have shot him. I come from a family of late sleepers. We’re violent in the morning.

See something. Say something. Then shut your pie hole.

I’m steamed. It’s 2 am in Mexico. I just did tequila shots with Chef Josie and Michelle Balan and danced on the beach to Sylvester’s “Mighty Real” on a warm night after a fun gig but thinking back to earlier events tonight makes me want to slap a ignorant bitch and her partner.  Here’s how it went down. After my show I was to do a ‘meet and greet’ with the audience and sell my merchandise. But I haven’t made any cds lately so I brought merchandise to give away, silly stuff, herbal tea bags and boxes of corn flakes that we get free at breakfast here in Club Med.  They look good with autographs.

Necessary boring logistics to feel my rage: I have been here in Ixtapa two nights so far- only two and it’s been great except for the two stupid brown-phobic she devil squares I endured tonight at the meet and greet.  I flew here from SF on a 6am flight.  When you fly at 6 am you head to the airport at 3am  so that’s one night without sleep. I have had to catch up on sleep during flights and what I do is listen to white noise on headphones and because I’m cold  I wear a hoodie up. And I wear sleep shades. Finally my hands get cold so I wear a pair of knit gloves on the plane. And I’m Latina with that brown skin that seals the deal for  white fuck vigilante from stupidville.

So tonight. I finish my show I report  to my ‘meet and greet table’ sign a bunch of tea bags, all goes well until these last two wackos show up with a question no comic ever wants to hear. “Are you looking for material?” They weren’t even looking at my tea and corn flakes. Ok fine. Tell me I say.  First they pepper me with questions as they smile proudly.”Did you fly here from LA? ” they ask. Yeah I say getting bored already- I changed planes in LA. Do you want an autograph or what I wonder? They press on “Where you sleepy and did you sit in the aisle. Did you wear gloves? We sat two rows behind you. We thought you were a terrorist.” I managed to keep my meet and greet smile on my face through all this but then they really pushed it. “We reported you. We told the flight attendant ‘keep an eye on her'” This, after a show where I spent ten minutes on racial profiling. They claimed this act of racial profiling to me without any shame. WTF did they want from me, not an autograph it seemed.

“We saw you go into your suitcase and get something.” she said” I saw the gloves. And I thought about the undewear bomber so….” She giggled. “And then we saw you on stage tonight and I asked my partner. Is that her? Hee Hee. But we did, we told the flight attendant.” Word for word my friends.

What twisted her granny panties on the plane was- once we reached cruising altitude  and we were allowed to get up- I got my gloves out of my overhead bag, put my sleeping gear on and slept for 3 hours till we landed in Mexico. And she sat there two rows behind me on her screwed up sphincter pushing her call button like Gladys Kravitz. ( a reference to Bewitched- only old people get that one)

I sleep on planes and that’s how I do it. She and her partner may not be the first white folks to  think I’m suspicous and accuse me of shit. Well who knows how many times it’s been done to me on flights and to other travellers who look “foreign. ” But that the two of these ‘ladies’ had the audacity to approach me about this after my performance, when everything should be lovely, and not in a confessional tone, not as an apology, but as a proclamation of their clueless nasty narrow minded glee – makes me reconsider “meet and greets.” And this makes me sadly acknowledge not everybody lesbian is my friend. Like these two who judged me on my skin color and “napping garb” on a plane. I have shit in common with them.  I hope they find this blog someday and know how I fucking hated being cordial with them. I wanted to pelt them with my corn flakes boxes. I only held back because I don’t fight at my gigs. But if you two finger pointing finger bangers ever read this I want you to know- that you were terrorists of  my night. You like judging people by appearance – you look like apple head dolls. That’s not a judgement but you look like apple head dolls. And when I told you tonight that your story was “kinda weird” what I meant was both of you FUCK OFF!

Bad Mami

Dear Readers
I hope I haven’t lost you. I don’t know why I haven’t been blogging for almost an entire month but this must change. I’m at a bagel shop in San Jose CA a few hours before a matinee gig. Two shows today at the groovy Latino Arts center MACLA. It’s been a challenge to sell two shows because unbekownst to me (the spelling of that word is unbeknownst to me and using it twice has weakened my Latina cred) Linda Ronstadt is giving a free concert in the park at 3pm on a sunny day. 3 pm is when my show begins in a dark theater. My second show begins at 7p the same time that Santana and Los Lobos perform at the gigantic HP pavillion. And today is the Mariachi festival in San Jose and I forgot my trumpet.

My point is don’t go into show business.

EDINBURGH FRINGE – DONE THAT

My high tech interview for Grace The Spot by Ally Maxwell

My high tech interview for Grace The Spot by Ally Maxwell

I am winding up my Edinburgh Fringe after 25 shows and dozens of guest sets here and there at secret underground cabarets including the Underbelly where I descended 5 flights of stairs from ground level,performing sometimes to people who don’t understand English are very drunk or just incapable of laughing or who may have been ghosts. I have been able to say just about anything to these audiences- being gay is no big deal here and there are a lot of atheists in Europe. It is impossible to shock an Edinburgh Fringe audience. But having an American accent puts me at a disadvantage. They look down on us even Obama doesn’t help the George Bush effect. This is payback for me since I never liked Benny Hill. I got some press 4stars in the list and Scotsgay, favorable mention in the Groggy Squirrel (everyone’s a critic here even rodents) and I spoke with the infamous blog Grace The Spot you can read that interview here

Before climbing Arthur's Seat

Before climbing Arthur's Seat

I have taken one solid day to be a tourist and wandered around Holyrood Park climbed all the way up to Arthur’s Seat for a 360 degree view of the city on the only warm day in this damp cold month where you could be out without a coat. I have eaten Black Pudding knowing it was blood and oatmeal but only could handle vegetarian haggis.

Making it to THE TOP!

Making it to THE TOP!

After I climbed back down

After I climbed back down

I got to see some great shows and am still blown away by London’s Chickenshed performance of “Crime Of The Century” about knife crime among youth in the UK. Some of the guys in the cast had been coming to my show and I was finally able to check them out yesterday. Really inspiring physical theater. I wish I did that sort of thing. Also got to finally see my twitter friend Ben Lerman’s funny show at Café Renroc. He storms the ukelele and makes me want to be a gay guy. He also has a great flat here with Wi Fi and the two of us created a very dark blog at two in the morning. Got to know a funny latina from NYC a little better. Blanca Dominguez had a good laugh at her show Blurrr. Then there’s my new pal in London Sian Hutchinson who had a smashing success here. She’s quite sassy and I have some incriminating videos of her taken at the Pear Tree. But I can’t find them so here’s a picture of another dazzling performer I dazzled, Micaela Leon from Kabarett Berlin

Scotsgay's Jean Genie, Micaela Leon, amazing chanteuse, and me

Scotsgay's Jean Genie, Micaela Leon, amazing chanteuse, and me

The biggest secret hit here is a show called Cabaret Whore starring Sarah Louise Young at the ‘free fringe.’ This is an offshoot of the EdFringe you don’t pay to get in but you have to pay to get out- whatever you can but some performers are more skilled at getting the big pounds out of you. Like the lady who plays Cabaret Whore as an Edith Piaf rival wielding a knife she says “Performers come to Edinburgh to die” that’s why all the performers love her. If I ever came back here-not to die- I would do the free fringe. But I don’t know if I can do this again for 3 weeks. It’s a money loser and there’s no internet really. You have to go sit places and buy crap you don’t want to drink or eat (with the money you’re not making) to use WiFi and the signal is weak. And there’s no affordable vegetables fresh fruit or TV. But it was a great experience all in all and I’ll be very happy to be back in the uncouth USA.

Ben Lerman and I having some giggles

Ben Lerman and I having some giggles