When I woke up- this afternoon- one of the first questions I asked myself was should I delete last night’s Gavin Newsom post? California’s gubernatorial election could be in my hands. My blog has had close to 4000 viewers in 2 months. Al Franken won by less votes than that. Thank you all for making me so powerful. Unfortunately I can’t delete any of my July posts because I made a pledge to God and the internet that I would blog daily until July 25th. I stopped going to the gym in June and the blogging gives my life just a hint of structure and I can eat guacomole while I do it.
Blogging might be theraputic. I quit therapy four years ago. My therapist was great. If I closed my eyes she sounded just like Terry Gross from NPR. I don’t think I ever told her this or that I was in fact interviewed by Terry in 1996 when my show “A Line Around The Block” ran Off Broadway at The Public Theater. It was my second spot on Fresh Air. Previously I was interviewed by the substitute host, Marty. Talking with Terry Gross was going to be the big time for me.
And then I got caught up in dyke drama. I was ON AIR in the studio of WNYC . In my headphones the one and only Terry Gross, all the way from WHYY in Philadelphia,peppered me with questions trying to get good radio out of me. But I couldn’t focus, gave dull answers and lost my train of thought. I was distracted by the Texas tramp who had flown to NYC to visit me and who I foolishly brought along to the radio station.
We had a fight that morning,her second day in town, because I asked her to get her shoes off my couch. She thought I was being ridiculous since it was a guesthouse and I said ‘well it’s not nice for the next people.’ Things you don’t say if you want to sleep with a smoking hot delinquent. She wasn’t impressed at all by NPR. She never heard of my idol Terry Gross. She listened to country western. Right before the mike check she said she wanted to go back home and was going to change her flight. She made the arrangements during the 30 minutes I tried to regale Terry Gross with my family anecdotes. She called the airline and her secret lover from the radio station’s telephone. When Terry Gross thanked me for being on the show. I said “It’s my pleasure.” but I really wanted to say “I’m sorry Terry – I just got out of a 7 year relationship and for the last two months I’ve been dating this cold hearted snake who’s cheating on me while I’m here in New York and now she’s breaking up with me and I don’t know WHYY.”
The Texas tramp turned straight after two years and last time I saw her she looked pretty in the face but she was wearing weird sandals and her toenails were long and gnarly. Since then I don’t know if there have been any more dykes on Fresh Air.