The Road Trip

with Thai Rivera and Marty Grimes at Mcdonald's (for the bathroom)

I engineered a little road trip last weekend with a couple of my favorite comics and gay boyfriends. There’s something cool about driving into a town for the gig – probably because I can’t drive. But I love the car talk and personal info you share on long drives and stopping for crappy food and roadside attractions (see video) along the way. French fries create a bond. It felt like I was in a rock band in an economy car. We drove- by we I mean Marty – all the way up to Humboldt County, didn’t get stoned, but the bartender at our gig at Auntie Mo’s Lounge in Eureka gave us 5 drink tickets each which I thought was way more than necessary. And then (watch video) all my drink tickets were gone. Next morning we went to Eureka’s Omelet Chalet before heading down to play MACLA in San Jose 6 hours south. Both shows were a big hit. Eureka folks really appreciated us making the big trip and I got a standing ovation in San Jose. I love that. Check out these funny boys on the web Marty’s Site and Thai’s Site

With Thai after pancakes and bacon at the Omelet Chalet (check out the front page of the newspaper)

Marty and I at MACLA's cupcake and champagne reception with producer Fred Salas.I'm not giving the finger. I'm trying to throw a gang sign,

Bad Mami

Dear Readers
I hope I haven’t lost you. I don’t know why I haven’t been blogging for almost an entire month but this must change. I’m at a bagel shop in San Jose CA a few hours before a matinee gig. Two shows today at the groovy Latino Arts center MACLA. It’s been a challenge to sell two shows because unbekownst to me (the spelling of that word is unbeknownst to me and using it twice has weakened my Latina cred) Linda Ronstadt is giving a free concert in the park at 3pm on a sunny day. 3 pm is when my show begins in a dark theater. My second show begins at 7p the same time that Santana and Los Lobos perform at the gigantic HP pavillion. And today is the Mariachi festival in San Jose and I forgot my trumpet.

My point is don’t go into show business.

EDINBURGH FRINGE – DONE THAT

My high tech interview for Grace The Spot by Ally Maxwell

I am winding up my Edinburgh Fringe after 25 shows and dozens of guest sets here and there at secret underground cabarets including the Underbelly where I descended 5 flights of stairs from ground level,performing sometimes to people who don’t understand English are very drunk or just incapable of laughing or who may have been ghosts. I have been able to say just about anything to these audiences- being gay is no big deal here and there are a lot of atheists in Europe. It is impossible to shock an Edinburgh Fringe audience. But having an American accent puts me at a disadvantage. They look down on us even Obama doesn’t help the George Bush effect. This is payback for me since I never liked Benny Hill. I got some press 4stars in the list and Scotsgay, favorable mention in the Groggy Squirrel (everyone’s a critic here even rodents) and I spoke with the infamous blog Grace The Spot you can read that interview here

Before climbing Arthur's Seat

I have taken one solid day to be a tourist and wandered around Holyrood Park climbed all the way up to Arthur’s Seat for a 360 degree view of the city on the only warm day in this damp cold month where you could be out without a coat. I have eaten Black Pudding knowing it was blood and oatmeal but only could handle vegetarian haggis.

Making it to THE TOP!

After I climbed back down

I got to see some great shows and am still blown away by London’s Chickenshed performance of “Crime Of The Century” about knife crime among youth in the UK. Some of the guys in the cast had been coming to my show and I was finally able to check them out yesterday. Really inspiring physical theater. I wish I did that sort of thing. Also got to finally see my twitter friend Ben Lerman’s funny show at Café Renroc. He storms the ukelele and makes me want to be a gay guy. He also has a great flat here with Wi Fi and the two of us created a very dark blog at two in the morning. Got to know a funny latina from NYC a little better. Blanca Dominguez had a good laugh at her show Blurrr. Then there’s my new pal in London Sian Hutchinson who had a smashing success here. She’s quite sassy and I have some incriminating videos of her taken at the Pear Tree. But I can’t find them so here’s a picture of another dazzling performer I dazzled, Micaela Leon from Kabarett Berlin

Scotsgay's Jean Genie, Micaela Leon, amazing chanteuse, and me

The biggest secret hit here is a show called Cabaret Whore starring Sarah Louise Young at the ‘free fringe.’ This is an offshoot of the EdFringe you don’t pay to get in but you have to pay to get out- whatever you can but some performers are more skilled at getting the big pounds out of you. Like the lady who plays Cabaret Whore as an Edith Piaf rival wielding a knife she says “Performers come to Edinburgh to die” that’s why all the performers love her. If I ever came back here-not to die- I would do the free fringe. But I don’t know if I can do this again for 3 weeks. It’s a money loser and there’s no internet really. You have to go sit places and buy crap you don’t want to drink or eat (with the money you’re not making) to use WiFi and the signal is weak. And there’s no affordable vegetables fresh fruit or TV. But it was a great experience all in all and I’ll be very happy to be back in the uncouth USA.

Ben Lerman and I having some giggles

F it.

DEAR READERS- I HAVE TO BLOG IN THE INTERNET CAFE. I KNOW THERE ARE LOTS OF GRAMMAR ERRORS. SENTENCE FRAGMENTS. I HAVE TO RUN AND CAN”T FIX IT. F IT! ENJOY IF YOU CAN MAKE SENSE OF IT. xm

I really like the Scots. I really really like them. Especially the plumbers. Who are at my flat almost every other day. Because we have a haunted shower it was the only thing I liked about the flat. A digital control you just press high medium or low for the amount of flow and then move the dial for the temperature. But after a week it began to turn itself on. At least something in our flat is getting turned on. And it would spew cold water like that. And the plumbers would come and fix it for a day. The last plumber yesterday called it a nightarrrrrr and pulled the box out and hacked off the cabinet under the kitchen sink for no good reason. My GF is hot and the best and I want no other but sometimes my sex imagination turns itself on. You know the handyman fantasy- and I’m totally gay- but it’s the elephant in the room or the plumber in the shower. Anyway I forgot about it and went about my business as he made panicky calls to other plumbers about this nightmarrr and he kept running out for valves and I forgot about him until we both turned the corner at the same time and were nose to nose.

It was awkward for both of us because he knows I know he knows I know that fantasy. And he said he’s be be taking the digital box away and another plumber would show up on Monday. So I’ve been taking whore baths that’s what my  gay guy housemate calls it.  And this is how I’ve been going on stage this weekend. I also dropped my gold lame jacket and ‘matching’ boots– I’m wearing my new balance sneakers and a t shirt.  I don’t have a dressing room now I don’t have a shower.  .Parts of me are dirty.And tomorrow I might eat out of a pan

I am finally fringe.

Fish and Chips

I had fish and chips at 1 am last night then I watched two episodes of Ugly Betty on my lap top.
I have a thing for the fish and chips guy at Newington Fish and Chips. He was very nice to me when I left my flyers there and I decided should I ever succumb to fried food I’d go to him. He put brown sauce on my chips and malt vinegar. But if you want a ketchup or mayo packet there it’s an extra 25 p for each (approximately 47 cents)

Me and 80 women comics in Edinburgh. You can find me on top in the gold

I don’t know if this touring abroad thing is for me after all.  I like the cobblestones but they ruin my shoes. I don’t mind grey skies every day. Meeting people is nice. They’re so hospitable but it’s really hard to understand what they’re saying. And beer is fattening. Now that Obama is president there’s no reasaon to leave the US really. And it’s too late to tell the crowd pleasing George Bush jokes. I still am not able to get across the street without almost getting flattened by one of those demonic speeding double decker buses that look exactly the same in the front as they do in the back so I don’t know if they are coming or going like a two headed monster. I did shell out about $30 bucks for a weekly Lothian bus pass. Here they take your picture for the pass- like a drivers license. And if you don’t like the photo they retake it. I love my bus pass. Under my picture there’s my name and in big block letters ADULT. I showed it to Ben Lerman and he thought my picture looked like a cross between Ally Sheedy and Bob Saget. He should know he saw Ally Sheedy in the flesh. I’m going to try and see his show tonight.
The food is bad here and they don’t give you enough (except for fish and chips) but somehow I’m puffing out. And everything is expensive. But you can buy half cans of canada dry ginger ale at Tesco supermarket for 39 pence. That’s only about 75 cents. I’m becoming an expert converter of pounds to dollars. Just double the pounds and subtract a nickle. Walking to my gig every night- (Why didn’t I ask for a night off in my deal -one of my mistakes – which I am not at liberty to elaborate on) I pass the KFC. They are hiring. I think about applying for a job. I can print out flyers of me in my KFC uniform and make it a Fringe Venue.
Two more reviewers came to the show last night from Scotsgay and something else. I think I was pretty awesome last night but something went wrong with my hair during the show. When I got off stage and went to the disabled bathroom in the hall which I pretend is my dressing room I saw in the dim light -hair sticking out on both sides of my head like an antennae. Even if I don’t get the KFC job I am going to start wearing a hairnet.